Lesson 3.6 Tips to Support Your Friend or Loved One

Support Tips

• Check in regularly and invite your friend or loved one into your plans. Social isolation is common among individuals experiencing a mental health struggle, and your loved one  or friend will likely need you now more than ever. 
• Learn more about mental health conditions and what your friend or family member may be experiencing. 
• Remind the person that there is no reason to feel shame or embarrassment. Mental health and physical health impact one another. 
• Use person-first language. The words we choose can actually promote negative attitudes and beliefs about mental health. Be aware of how terms such as “crazy,” “insane,” or “psychotic” used out of context can perpetuate stereotypes about mental health. 
• Remember, a person is not their illness. Avoid using phrases or terms like, “He’s a schizophrenic” but rather, “He was diagnosed with schizophrenia.”
• Take care of yourself and keep healthy boundaries. Your mental health matters, too! You may want to reach out to someone to talk about how you are feeling to get advice on how to help your friend. Consider talking with a family member, a trusted colleague or friend, a mental health practitioner, such as a licensed counselor, or a faith leader. 
• Walk the talk. The easiest way to let people know you’re willing to talk about mental health is to be open about your own. Try to think of it in the same way you think about your physical health. Allow it to come up naturally in conversation in the same way.

• If you’ve seen a mental health professional in the past, when the subject comes up, you might say, in your own words
  • “I’ve had times in my life when I’ve struggled.
    I went to talk to someone, and it really helped me.”
    
• Trust your gut if you think someone’s having a hard time, and speak to them privately. Start with an expression of care, followed by an observation.
  • “I care about you and I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. You seem more frustrated than you’ve been in a while, and I’m wondering how you’re doing.”
    
• Normalize mental health by talking about it directly.
  • “I wonder if what’s happening at work these days is stressing you out.”
    
  • “With everything that’s going on in your family, I wonder if you’re feeling overwhelmed.”
    
• Let them know you get it, and that it’s okay – and normal – to struggle in response to life’s challenges.
  • “I’ve been through things in my life, too, and what I’ve often found is that talking about it helps. Whatever it is, I’m here to listen and support you.”

The Timing Doesn’t Have to be Perfect

• You may not always be able to speak with someone the moment you notice they might be struggling. It’s fine to circle back some other time soon.
  • “The other day I noticed you seemed upset. I made a note that I wanted to talk with you. I’m really concerned about how you’re doing. So let’s talk.”
• 
  Sometimes creating some space is the perfect thing to do. Let them know you can have the conversation at a time that’s right for them.
  • “Can we grab some coffee and talk about it?”
  • “Would you like to go for a walk?”

What If They Hesitate?

• The other person might worry that sharing how they feel will be a burden to others. They might say something like,
  • “You must be sick of hearing about all of this” or “I don’t want to saddle you with my problems.“

• In your own words, tell them,
  • “Not only am I not sick of it, but I care about you, so I want to be there for you. I get that life is complex – so I’m here to listen and support you.“

Example Discussion Starter

Are you still not sure how to start a conversation, or are you feeling too intimidated? Use this letter template by downloading it and then filling in the blanks.