Lesson 4.9 Helpful Phrases to Use with Someone in Crisis

Suicidal thoughts are not by themselves dangerous, but how you respond, and whether the person is able to get help, can make all the difference. You are not a trained professional and so be kind to yourself throughout this process. Your role is to help and support them with getting professional help. If you feel like you are at a loss for words, below are some helpful phrases to use.

The Gathering Information Stage

Helpful questions and phrases:

• “How often are you having these thoughts?”
• “When it gets really bad, what do you do?”
• “What scares you about these thoughts?”
• “What do you need to do to feel safe?”
• “The fact that you’re having these thoughts tells me something significant is going on for you right now. The good news is, help is out there. I want to help you get connected to resources that can help.”

If your gut is telling you that they are thinking about suicide

Phrases to use:

• “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
• “Does it ever get so tough that you think about ending your life?”
• “I really care about you, and I want you to know you can tell me anything.”

Helping them gain access to professional help

Helpful phrases to help others connect with professional resources:

• “I hear you that you’re struggling, and I think it would really be helpful for you to talk to someone who can help you get through this.”
• “You know, therapy isn’t just for serious, “clinical” problems. It can help any of us process any challenges we’re facing – and we all face serious stuff sometimes.”
• “I really think talking to someone can help you gain some perspective, and keep things from getting worse.”
• “You’re in good company: the highest-performing executives and elite athletes lean on mental health professionals to hone their performance. Reaching out for professional guidance and therapy is a strong thing to do, and it can make all the difference.”

Help them connect to a provider and resources

Sometimes making that first moment of contact to a professional can be the hardest. Offer to help them connect in whatever way you’re comfortable with.

• “I can help you find a mental health professional or substance use program. Or I could sit with you while you do it. We can figure it out together.”
• “I could drive or walk you to your appointment. Then we could have coffee afterwards.”

If they’re concerned about privacy

If the person is worried about others finding out that they’re getting treatment, let them know their worries are mostly unfounded.

• “Mental health treatment actually has even greater confidentiality safeguards than physical health treatment.”
• “Most people realize that mental health is an extremely important, valid part of health in general – and we all have various kinds of health issues. People who get support for their mental health are seen as strong, smart and proactive.”

If they ask you not to tell anyone, tell them you want to help them get the support they need – and that that may involve enlisting the help of others. Encourage them to be part of the conversation that happens in reaching out for help, and reassure them you’ll be as discreet as possible in your effort to keep them safe.

If they say no, thank you…

Sample language to use:

• “It’s okay that it doesn’t sound like you’re ready yet. I really hope you’ll think about it. Just let me know if you change your mind, and I can help you connect with someone.”
• “I know you’re going through a lot, and I really believe it can make a big difference for your life, and your health. Just consider it for later, and know I’m here to help.”
• “If you’re not ready to go in and meet with someone in person, you could call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, they provide someone you can speak with in Spanish. Or if you don’t feel like speaking, just text TALK to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. They can tell you more about what it might be like to work with a doctor, counselor or therapist.”

You can also offer to join the person in speaking with their health provider, traditional healer, or spiritual guide. If a release of information (ROI) form is not signed by the person experiencing the crisis, family and friends can provide information to health care providers. However, the healthcare provider is not able to acknowledge that they know the person and are not able to provide a call back due to confidentiality.

Source: Tips from American Foundation on Suicide Prevention